Last Week's Weigh-In...oh oh!!

Starting Weight: 258 lbs (Dec 10/08)
Last Weigh In: 208 lbs (May 16/09)
Current Weight: 210 lbs

This Week's Loss: NO LOSS...+2 lb GAIN!!!!!!!!


Okay first off, I am not upset with this 2 pound gain. I just need to figure out why, not why I gained the weight - just why I always seem to "put it in cruise control" when I'm doing well!!

This is the first time during this journey that I've gained weight and I truly hope it will be the last. I would like to say that these two pounds is from all the muscle I'm building BUT I know that may not be it. Seeing my little "weight loss progress badge" on the right side of the blog, go from '50lbs lost' back to '48lbs lost', really hit me and hopefully was enough to get me back on track!! This gain is from me not being 90% or better (my own goal for myself) with regards to my food and exercise!! And really, that's the secret to success, at least where weight loss is concerned. Eating the right foods and getting the right amount of exercise!! I KNOW THIS!!! Doing it, is what's difficult!!

The Last 3 Days...

While I was in Edmonton, I worked out EVERYDAY and stuck hardcore to my exercise training plan. I was also very good with my eating plan with the exception of having some alcohol and 1 and a 1/2 slices of pizza (small slice). I don't want to make excuses...just want to be straight!!I don't know what's going on with me, but I did not work out on Friday (I travelled that day - but that's no excuse) Saturday (got lazy), or Today (even lazier)!!! Why am I doing this?? Saturday night, I had a peanut butter sandwich on white bread!!!! It was sooo good. I literally said F' it and proceeded to eat it!! Why do I do this??


I can think of nothing that happened to trigger this. Home life is fine, work life is fine (busy, but fine)! I really need to understand why this happens. This journey is not only about me getting healthy and losing the weight, it's also, and most importantly, about me breaking that vicious cycle that has me sabbotaging my progress and regaining whatever weight I had lost!! I am committed to this journey but it seems that I have to kick this up a notch, I feel like I'm slipping and I know that I shouldn't be, because I've been doing so well. Arrrghghhgh...frustrating!!


Being Fat is Sometimes Comforting...

This may seem strange to some, but bieng overweight/obese/fat (whatever you call it) is somewhat comforting. For me, it's easier and I'm willing to bet that quite a few people out there would agree with me on this one! Before embarking on this journey, I would wake up, eat whatever I wanted for breakfast (if I ate at all) and go about my day, stopping periodically to "snack" on whatever I wanted. At work, I could go to the cafeteria downstairs and ordered whatever I wanted for lunch, most of the times not even thinking about what I ordered (usually way too much food - poutine, coca cola, something cheesy and rich with that insta mix gravy).

I would walk through the mall, go straight to the food court and had my fill of unhealthy choices. I wrote before of my love of Cinnabuns! I could order out whenever I wanted to and whatever I wanted to at pretty much anytime of day or night. That was the worst of them all, because after ordering my food from the telephone or internet, I would plop down on the couch, in front of the television as I ate.

As for clothes, I would make an effort for work, but at home it was usually some oversized T's and a comfy (there's that word again) pair of track or jogging pants, that just stretched with me - so the more weight I gained, the more my pants stretched. This is one of the reasons I felt so amazing when I fit into those size 16 non-stretch jeans!!

I hated walking (still not my fav, but I do it more often now)! I rarely moved but to get to and from places like the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom etc. I barely said the word "exercise" much less DID any!!

My lifestyle now is wonderful, I love how great I feel after dong 30 pushups or after strength training for an hour. When I first jogged for 1 full minute on the treadmill without stopping, I felt like I just ran and finished a marathon - I was so proud. When I run up my flight of stairs at home and it doesn't phase me one bit, I feel awesome!! I'm running around with my son and HE'S getting tired before me...this is why I'm doing this. I love these feelings of pride, confidence (not that I wasn't confident before - just more so now) and energy!

When I travel on business and eat out at amazing restaurants for EVERY MEAL and stay on track, effortlessy making healthy choices, I feel such pride.

So why the hell am I not staying on track?? Why am I doing this??

Well, I'll tell you right now, as of 5am tomorrow morning, I WILL BE BACK ON TRACK!!!! I don't think I've done any kind of damage that can't be repaired!!! This is just a minor bump in the road and I WILL get through it! I love how strong and proud I feel when I'm on track! The positive energy that surrounds me is just amazing!!

So, that's it for now. I slipped up, messed up a bit, BUT WILL BE BACK ON TRACK and moving forward as of this moment.

Until next time...

Joania (2KMINE)