Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

First off, I want to wish all the moms out there a very Happy Mother's Day!!! All the Mommy's, Grand-mommy's and Mommy's to be!! Happy Day ladies!!

This is always a bitter-sweet time for me. I'm a mom to a perfect little angel. Being a mom is the greatest and most important thing I've ever done and ever will do in my life. I love all that comes with it!! However, as most of you already know, I lost my mom almost 17 years ago, so this day is always somewhat difficult for me as well. Over the past 17 years, I've learned to focus on the memories and wonderful times we spent together and that has helped to make the day easier; however it's still difficult. I miss her so much. When my son was born (almost 3 years ago), he brought new wonderful meaning to Mother's Day and made it once again a day I could enjoy. That's what I meant by bitter-sweet.

A little bit about my mother...

She was a wonderful lady, a fabulous spirit and always had this positive energy that seemed to just surround her. She had me when she was only 19 years old. We were very close. This may sound cliché, but she truly was my best and closest friend in this world. We shared everything with each other. When she was 32, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was such a devasting shock to me, that from that moment on I truly remained in what I call a "functional state of shock". It shook my world.

My mom was a fighter, she fought as hard as she could and managed to fight this disease for next 5 years!! She perservered through 2 major surgeries, and 3 bouts of chemotherapy, never once complaining as she dealt with what I know was the most difficult, painful and scariest time of her life. She was amazing.

In the end, the cancer unfortunately returned and spread rapidly to her other organs. I graduated high school in June 1992 and remember how sick she was on that day. I told her, "Mommy, I don't have to go to commencements, the school will mail my Diploma or I could pick it up later." She looked at me, with such a sadness in her eyes and said, "I want to hear your named called and see you walk across that stage!" And she did. She was so weak, but managed to summon the strength to come to my high school graduation commencement and witnessed me walking across that stage. I heard her cheering so loudly for me and it just broke me. At the time, not many people understood why I was as emotional as I was that day...but we knew. A few months later, she passed away at the age of 37, peacefully in my arms at home on December 10, 1992.

Although I miss her terribly, I feel her presence all the time. It's incredible. Especially on this journey, I think of her often as she too battled with her weight pretty much all her life and I wish she was here, because if she was, I know that we would be doing this together.

I see so much of her in my son, from his smile to his personality - it's amazing! Anyway, I just felt that I needed to honour her on this Mother's Day eve. Wherever you are, just know that I love you and miss you - always.
I want to wish all the moms out there a fabulous day tomorrow!! I also wanted to send love and hugs to all of those who've lost their moms - please take solace in the memories that you shared with your love ones.

Until next time...

Joania (2KMINE!!!)


Chubby Chick said...

Mother's Day is hard for me, too. I lost my mom almost 15 years ago when I was 25. :(

My mom was wonderful... and I try to focus on that on Mother's Day, too. Something that I read once that has comforted me is...

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

So... my mom is still alive in my heart. And it sounds like your mom is alive in your heart, too. :)

Anonymous said...

You sure know how to make me cry! Your Mom would be sooo proud of you JoJo!!! You lost her way too soon but she did a great job in those 17 years - you are a beautiful person!

Happy Mom's Day to you!XO