Week Three Weigh-in....2 POUNDS DOWN

Starting Weight: 258 lbs (Dec 10/08)
Last Weigh-in: 247 lbs (Dec 24/08)
Current Weight: 245lbs Total Loss: 13 (2 this week)

Well another 2 pounds down. I weigh 245 (can't believe it, the numbers are dropping) WHO HOOOOO!!!!
I was a bit disappointed because I wanted a bigger loss, seeing that I was soooooo good at Christmas. This is what would normally happen in the past when I tried to lose weight. If I felt I didn't do as well as I thought I should, I would be so disappointed that I would sabotage all the progress I made thusfar - well NOT this time. I reminded myself that I did meet yet another goal of losing 2 pounds in a week. This is a good thing. I've lossed 13lb, in 3 weeks, I feel awesome...I've got nothing to be disappointed about. I am going to see this through to the end.

I plan to really give it my all for this last week of my first month. Not that I haven't been giving it my all because I HAVE!! But I just feel I can push that much harder and I WILL!!

So that's it...I'll be back later, just wanted to give the update. Thanks for all the support. Signing off 13 pounds lighter!! :)

J

Still Moving Along...

Hi everyone,

Well the 2008 is quickly coming to an end and I personally can't wait for 2009!! I just feel that it will be a great year!! Out with the old and in with the new!! :)

So Christmas came and went and I am so proud of myself for not giving in to ALL those cravings I had...my goodness!! That was one of the hardest thngs I've ever done in my life. Resisting all those goodies (especially the walnut buttertart squares!)..wow!! BUT, I am on a mission and intend to see it through. So far, so good.

I will be celebrating New Year's differently this year...no champagne (just water in a pretty glass), no beer nuts/chips - just a few almonds!! I plan to stay in this year, I don't want to subject myself to anymore direct temptations for the time being (Christmas was enough). I'll still have a good time..watch a movie with my husband and son and just spend some family time. I've also given my husband my blessing (or as i like to call it, permission) to go out that night (if he wants) :)

My 3-week weigh in is tomorrow. I feel like the time is flying, just one more week and I will have completed my first month. That means I will take my first progress picture - can't wait to see if I'll be able to notice any results (I hope so). I do feel different, but I don't know how visible it is, if at all. We'll see (very soon).

Anyway, just wanted to stop by quickly as it's been a few days since I posted anything. Haven't been feeling great...soar throat and a bit of a fever, but I'm fighting it and not letting it stop me from doing my workouts (I think they may even be helping!!)

I will post my weigh in numbers tomorrow - will be interesting to see if my two glasses of red wine had an effect!! :D

Christmas Dinner has come and gone...THANK GOODNESS!!

Okay so Christmas dinner is officially OVER! Thank goodness!! So,how did I do? How much damage? Well...I had 2 glasses of red wine (which was not that bad)!!!!!! That's it nothing else!! No desserts, no cheesy baked macaroni pie, NOTHING!! Considering all the food and choices of desserts,I'm quite pleased with my behaviour today! Just two glasses of red wine!!! Trust me when I say this , IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH, MUCH WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

This evening wasn't as bad as I thought. The baked mac and dessert were the biggest challenges for me. Patricia...you totally took one for the team BIG TIME today!! She stood up with me tonight. She DID NOT have any desserts even if it was killing her, she wanted the shortbread, but she past it up! Stood with me in solidarity!! Thanks Trish :)))It did make it a bit easier for me..this type of support is why I am so thankful !! She even agreed to work out with me one day before she leaves - I'm holding her to it. Thanks hon, it really does mean a lot to me!

Anyway, I was really good today! I survived Christmas dinner. I would have never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be at a Christmas dinner and not have desserts..NEVER!! Well it happened today and for me, that means a lot!!

Thanks for stopping by..All the best of the Holiday season to you and yours!
J

Merry Christmas Everyone......and it will be.........

Hi all,

Well I woke up this morning and went outside for a brisk walk (cardio day). I already know that Christmas will be different because this is the first time in my 34 years of life that I've woken up on Christmas morning, thanked God for my blessings AND WENT OUTSIDE TO EXERCISE!!!!! I actually feel great, energized.

Today will undoubtedly be a challenge for me, but I'm ready for it (after all my last name before marriage was "Challenger")!! :)

I will pop in later tonight to let you all know how I did!! I may just need to get away from the temptations!! It might help to take period breaks away from all of it!

Anyway, wish me luck today.....and most of all, HAVE a wonderful Christmas!! Enjoy the treats for me!!!

Thanks everyone - all the best!

Joania

Week Two Weigh-in...3 POUNDS DOWN!!!

Starting Weight: 258 lbs (Dec 10/08)
Last Weigh-in: 250 lbs (Dec 17/08)
Current Weight: 247lbs
Total Loss: 11 (3 this week)

It's not as big a number as last week's but this week I've lost another 3 POUNDS!! That brings my total to 11 pounds in two weeks!! WhoooooooHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited and pleased with the results. So far the hard work and sacrifice is truly paying off!!!
I've got to go, but will continue later or tomorrow.

I feel great!! Awesome, actually!! ROB it's working!!!!!!!!!**smiles***

Next hurdle: CHRISTMAS DINNER!! ;((

HELP!!!!!!!CHRISTMAS DINNER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's been two weeks. Tomorrow morning I will step on that scale once again with my fingers and toes tightly crossed!! I feel good. I don't know if I am losing pounds but I know for a fact I'm losing inches. my pants are so loose. I don't have to unbutton them to take 'em off, I just slide them down!! Wow!! I just can't believe it...It's crazy!! Once again, my goal for the week is to lose 2 pounds...if I lose that, I'll be fine.

The workouts have been very hard. There are two of them in particular which just kill me....one is called an "iso prone".....it's for my core, I'm in a plank position, but it's not a regular plank. its an Up and hold and down and up and hold...IT's OUCH!!!!!!!!!!! I feel it everywhere, but I know it's working. The other set is the 60 PUSHUPS!!!!!!!! My arms are on FIRE when I'm done.

I'm getting ready to prepare Christmas dinner and let me tell you, I'm pulling out all the stops. I will include healthy alternatives but I really want our guests to enjoy themselves and the food - however, it will be torture for me. Right now, in regards to Christmas Day/Dinner, I'm contemplating a few things:

1. Should I just stay true to my journey don't stray at all? ( I know this would be ideal but is ist realistic? Is it do-able?)
2. Should I eat really well the entire day and just endulge with a glass or two of wine?
3. Should I eat really well the entire day and endulge with dessert (s)?
4. Should I eat really well the entire day and endulge with both wine and desserts???
5. Should I JUST SAY SCREW IT FOR ONE DAY AND GO WILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I do #5, how badly will it affect me/set me back!! Will one day really be that bad??? I don't know what to do...my goodness. I think I'll decide right then and there, right in the moment!!! How much will I regret it??? Why should I regret it??

If I stick to # 1, will I regret it?? Am I missing out on enjoying this moment to the fullest??

I'm so torn...HELP!! I really don't know what to do!!

I will post weigh -in numbers in the morning!

Yummy, Toothpaste..??..

I truly can't get over how quickly time is passing by. Another weekend is upon me!! Wow!! I had a great week! I know that some of my strength comes from all the support and encouragement I've received from all of my friends, family and new friends that I'm making as I go through this journey. Thanks for that!!

Okay, so last night was tough. Friday night, after I put the baby down, I was just sitting unwinding...in the past (not that long ago), this is when I would have a nice glass of wine or a cold Heineken and/or something sweet and yummy!! I just couldn't get it off my mind. To make things worse, I was going through the stack of weekly retail flyers. Seeing that Christmas is around the corner, all the flyers look amazing (food wise, I mean). You would not believe how long I stared at the dessert section of the M&M Foods flyer!! It was nuts!! All the chocolates and cheescakes and squares..it was crazy. If I had anything sweet in the kitchen last night, I'm not sure I would have been able to resist, actually I KNOW I wouldn't be able to resist. That's why it's so important to get all the bad stuff out of the house!!

Anyway, it got so bad (the cravings) that the only thing I could think of is to go brush my teeth, AGAIN!!!!!!! That toothpaste tasted soooooooo good!! LOL!! Who would have thought that I'd be looking to Colgate and Crest for that sweet satisfaction. Well, at least my teeth will be fabulous!! :)) Anyway, I decided that my best bet at that point would be to chug a glass of water and go to bed...which I did!!

Well, today is a new day, I'm off to do my cardio. I've got a busy weekend ahead, with cleaning, last minute shopping, wrapping and getting ready for Christmas. I'm doing Christmas dinner this year and our family starts arriving next week!! That's my biggest worry, Christmas dinner!!! I'll probably need a month's supply of Colgate total for that night!!! ;) I plan to speak to my trainer to see if I could cheat a little. Personally, I don't think I could nor do I think I should but I just need to hear it lol!! Oh it's going to be hard, but since I'm cooking, I will be able to make something suitable for myself without affecting the others. I HOPE!!!

Have a great weekend guys....I'm really pushing through as I want to maintain my momentum and have a good weigh-in on Wednesday!!

8 POUNDS, It Wasn't a Dream!!!

I got up this morning to get ready for work and what do you think was the first thing I did??? Damn straight!! I got on that scale just to check if I had only dreamt of losing 8 pounds or if it actually happened!!! Well, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!! I DID LOSE 8 POUNDS!! WOW!!

Anyway, it turns out my son is sick today, so I'm home taking care of him. He has a slight fever and has been battling a cough and cold. He's napping right now (poor little angel - I hate when he's sick), so I thought I would jump on and write something quickly. I have been on such a wonderful high since yesterday. I am just in a great place right now. It's amazing. I feel like I'm on the right path to regaining control - it's a great feeling.

So yesterday, my staff Christmas party, WOW!!!
First of all, I DID NOT CHEAT, STRAY or ANYTHING!! Not for a minute, not a chocolate, a nibble, a small taste, a shooter or anything!! I was SOOOOOOOOO GOOD, it could have been sickening!!! My colleagues (they're friends as well) on the other hand, well...hmmmm.... let's just say I would need to write a book...and I COULD because I was completely sober the entire night!!!! Oh, the things you see and hear when you're sober!! :)

Staff parties are generally fun and for me would usually include consuming huge amounts of yummy fried foods and dips, wings, fries, fruity cocktails, beer, shooters and more shooters!!!!!MMMM! How was I going to make it through this party? I didn't want to miss it, because I think it's improtant that I maintain some aspects of my social life throughout this journey. I don't want to miss out on everything just because I'm trying to make some healthy changes!! So I decided to be the Designated Driver (DD) for the night!! In all my years of partying, I don't think I've ever been the DD for anything!! It was nuts and at times made for a looooonnnng night! But honestly, looking back, I think it was the best decision I could have made. I didn't have to justify why I wasn't drinking, it was understood that I was the DD and I would be drinking solely water all night!! Also, my entire team is aware of my Journey and they encouraged and supported me (most of the night)...Overall, I had a great time, lots of fun, in fact I laughed until my jaw hurt!! They're a really fun group!!!

When it came to ordering food, I was able to order something healthy that fit into my plan, and I was pleasantly surprised at how accomadating the server was with my very specific requests ( to hold this and put that on the side, and sub this with that) for my meal. It was perfect!! I took a glance at the "starters" section of the menu, and thought about it for a minute, but then thought better of it and moved on. Plus our manager had pre-ordered a HUGE platter of starters which was shared amongst the team...it looked and smelled soooooooo good, especially that cheesy, spinach dip...mmmm. I didn't have any!! I coudn't believe how strong I was! I think it had a lot to do with that awesome weigh-in in the morning!! There was no way that I was going to mess that up after all that hard work!!! NO WAY I was going to throw away my 8 pounds!! I kept that "achievement" at the fore front of my mind ALL NIGHT , and it really, truly helped!! One of my friends left me a message to "keep my eye on the goal" and that is exactly what I did!!

As the night went on, it became increasingly easier for me to enjoy the night as I was priveleged to free entertainment all night!! My team is hillarious!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed so much last night and I learned SO MUCH!!It was great. I would love to provide details, but "what happens with my team, stays with my team!" ;) Yeah, that's how we roll!!

I was very happy with how last night turned out and quite pleased with how I handled the situation. I am really doing my best to embrace this new lifestyle and make it work for me!! I feel great! Anyway, I'm going to get some house work done before my son wakes up and take it easy before I do my workout!! :)

Until next time...

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Week One - Weigh-In 8 POUNDS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting Weight: 258 lbs (Dec 10/08)
Current Weight: 250 lbs (Dec 17/08)
Weight Loss: 8 lbs

Hi everyone,

First of all, please let me apologize for posting this msg so late. I was up very early today to get my cardio done and rushed out of the house early enough to make it to work. With the snow storm and bus strike, it took me 2 and 1/2 hours to get to work which normally takes 20 minutes!!!! You can imagine the frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a crazy busy day today and also had my staff party right after work. I just got home around midnight!!

Anyway, today has been a fabulous day!! As busy and frustrating (the traffic) as today was, I was just on a cloud the entire day! Nothing could bring me down! I stepped on the scale this morning and to my surprise, it read 250!!!!! I was stunned!! 250 pounds!!! I lost 8 POUNDS in one week!! 8 POUNDS!!I felt fabulous!!! I can't believe it! I ran to my other scale, just to double check and it was the same, 250lbs!! Awesome!!! I'm so pumped!!8 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'm very proud, happy and excited for what's to come! My hard work paid off, I'm so pleased.

I had my staff party today and it was a fun one....did I cheat or did I stay true to the cause???
I will post details on that tomorrow. It's late, I'm so tired and I really must get to bed, but I will finish this up tomorrow...

Until then, I'm signing off 8 pounds lighter!!!!! WHOOOHOOOOOO!!!!! I just wanted to post that info....

Joania

'Twas the Night Before Weigh-in....

Well this is it. The end of my first week!! Already!! It went by quickly! Tomorrow morning, I will step on that scale and cross my fingers (and toes)!! My first weigh-in!! I really gave it my all this week and I did not stray at all. I'm so pleased with myself! My goal is to lose hopefully, at the VERY least, 2-3 pounds!! Secretly I'm hoping for more but I will be very happy with a 2 or 3 lb loss!!!

As I reflect on this past week, I made sure that I did 3 things which really helped to keep me on track:

1. I stayed disciplined. I found that staying focused on the benefits of why I am doing this and my overall goals were great motivators.
2. Plan, plan, plan!! I found that preparing my meals ahead of time (snacks and all) kept me on track this week. When it was time to eat, I didn't have to worry or need to figure out what to eat, it was right there waiting!
3. Keeping a journal. This blog and my meal blog have been fantastic. Writing it down, really kept me accountable and it's also somewhat therepeutic!

I hope I'm able to continue like this. This week was very, very hard and really tested me physically and mentally, especially the workouts. There were times when my muscles (which are hiding under all that fat and they let me know it) were burning so much I just wanted to stop, BUT I didn't and I feel really good about that! It's awesome.

Now, it's time for the weigh-in. Whatever happens, I will feel good because I know I gave it my all this week each and every day....okay, screw that, I'd be a bit ticked off if I don't lose any weight after all that hard work and discipline last week, let me just be real here!! However, if somehow I don't lose any weight tomorrow, it won't be enough for me to stop, I will still continue on my journey and just consider it a small bump in the road! :)

So keep your fingers crossed and check in tomorrow for the results of my first weigh-in!! Thanks for reading!

Joania

Survived my First Weekend!!!!

Well, it's done!! Weekend is over!! I'm getting ready for bed and just feel so happy and proud of myself. I stuck to my diet 100%!!! I did not miss one workout!! In fact, I pushed even harder during my workouts!! It was awesome!! I feel great!! I had so many temptations and opportunites to fall off track, but I STUCK TO IT!! It was very difficult for me, because in the past, I usually did all my damage on the weekend - from desserts, to wines and fast food and sleep!! Well no more!!

I spent today prepping my food for the next couple of days and I've also decided to keep a food log in order to keep track of everything I eat! I think that should help. I already know what I will be eating tomorrow and the day after!!

I don't want to make it seem like this is just a breeze because it isn't!! I find myself telling myself practically every hour why I'm doing this and reminding myself why it's so important to me! The workouts are so hard, it takes everything out of me, my body pretty much feels like jello when I'm done - but I want to make sure that when I'm done each workout, I leave everything out there!! The meals have surprised me because they are quite satisfying, it's just my mind telling me things like, "just a little something sweet!!!!" But I just need to keep telling myself to stick to it, and so far I have.

Wednesday (which will be my 1 week anniversary and first weigh in since starting) is fast approaching. I can't believe it's already Monday tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about my first weigh in, but I know so far, I've done my very best and I really hope that shows up on the scale and even if it doesn't I will still "keep on keeping on"!!!

Anyway, that's it for now, until next time!

Joania

First "Christmas Party" Temptation Resisted...

Well, tonight is my husband's staff Christmas party. Every year my husband treats his staff to a catered all you can eat and drink (not just soda - EVERYTHING) buffet ... Well, tonight, I'm sitting at home. :) I declined my husband's invite and sent him off!! I am so proud of myself for not caving in, especially so early in my journey.

As I sit here, I have to be honest, I am thinking of all that food, and wine and beer...can't help it. This is exactly why I did not go. I know I am not yet strong enough to resist such powerful temptations!! Sitting here thinking about it causes no damage baby!! Yet another milestone! Whooohooo!!

My own staff Christmas party is set for next Wednesday. That will be the end of my first week on this journey and there is no way in hell that I'm going to mess that up!! I will be able to exercise control because it is not a buffet, nothing will be tempting me - I could choose exactly what I need to eat in order to keep me on track. I'm not worried about Wednesday!!

A few times I've thought to myself, "Why didn't you start this journey AFTER Christmas?" It's simple really. Every year for the past 15 plus years, I would make the same New Year's resolution, "This year I'm going to lose this weight!" Well we all know how that turned out. This year, I want New Years to roll around and I would have already started, actually well on my way to losing the weight and at that point my resolution could be, no MY RESOLUTION WILL BE to "Keep on Keeping ON!!" on this journey.

Good things ahead....2009 Will be MINE!!!!!!!!! :))))))

BTW, for cardio today, i went for a 25 min walk/jog outside in the cold...I tried walking for a bit, then jogging for a bit. I did a lot more brisk walking than jogging but hey, it's progressive!! :P

J

Joania's Feeling Good!!

Well my friends (oh crap that's so John McCain),

I have just completed Day three of this journey!!!! I'm so proud of myself!! I met with Rob on Wednesday and he went through the workout with me - it was sooooooooo hard!! The next morning, I was feeling it - my "core", my arms and my thighs were just burning! I couldn't believe it. Wow!!

I just completed the workout (on my own) today. i feel so good and I am so proud of myself for attacking it and getting it done.. Tomorrow, cardio! At first I was thinking that this weekend would be very difficult for me but all I can think of is preparing my meals and doing the cardio...what's happening to me?

I also have been doing really well with the food - I'm so surprised. I know it's only the second day with the food, but I plan to celebrate every small achievement/milestone. I had a few cravings (for chocolate and more chocolate) but I DID NOT give in. I'm staying on track and I'm just so excited...I'M actually DOING this!! One day at a time ( I can't believe it's already been 3 days)!! One step at a time!!

Okay..that's it for now...

So far so good

My Trainer is Awesome......

Hi again,

I wanted to let you all know how my first day of training went. Well IT WAS GREAT!! I feel pumped and ready to go.
On my way to the training studio, I felt so nervous. Would I be able to do the exercises? Could I really do this??? WELL YES I CAN AND YES I WILL DO THIS!!

I met with my trainer Rob today and my goodness, I've never seen such muscles!! He was so friendly and approachable and I actually felt/sensed that he was excited to do this with me. He really knows his stuff and displayed such a passion for it, that it was almost infectious. We went through my entire training program, one exercise at a time. We actually did them - they were killer hard but the hurt was good. I had such a sweat on, it was insane. I have never, ever seen some of those excercises and at times, I felt things in places I never knew I could or would ...IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!

This program he put together fits me perfectly and I can't wait to do them and see how I progress in a few weeks! I'm very excited!! I am on such a high and just so pumped. Anyway, he was so helpful, taking the time to explain everything thouroughly, checking that I had proper form, giving me tips and such. I got only good vibes from him, so positive...my trainer is awesome!

Then it was time to go over the meal plan - this was what I was worried about most, because I LOVE TO EAT....I didn't want to be eating weird foods like things I couldn't pronounce...I didn't want to have to weigh food etc., etc. Well, this meal plan consists of real foods that I can find at any grocery store, that I am familiar with. The majority of the stuff, I already have at home, it's just now I know how to properly combine these foods, using healthy portions. It looks very do-able to me. After looking at the list, I sighed a huge sigh of relief and said, "I can do this, and I WILL do this!"

So, what will I be doing??
In addition to following the customized eating plan, I will be weight training (using the program Rob developped for me) 3 days a week and doing cardio (20 minute sessions in the beginning) 3 days a week. So working out 6 days a week alternating my weight training and cardio. I'm very excited.

Everything just seems to be falling into place. I'm in such a good place right now. I'm ready to get this done, one day and one step at a time. I can't wait for tomorrow!!

This is ME...Then! (Before Pics)

Okay, so I "borrowed" that title from a J-LO album (which I don't even own) but I just thought this title was appropriate for when I'm looking back at my pics, "this is me...then"
I can't believe I am about to make myself so vulnerable. So many of my friends have told me that I'm nuts for doing this, but this is only temporary - in a short while when I look back, I will truly be able to see how far I've come!! I have been the master of disguise for such a long time. I know what to wear, what and how to tuck and suck in body parts so that I just look that much smaller ( I know I'm not alone here). Well, no more. Here I am, all 258 pounds of chocolate goodness *smiles*. OMG, this is harder than I thought it would be. How ever did you do this, Rosy????????? .
It has taken me about 3 hours to FINALLY post these pics. My husband took the pics and boy was he ever making me laugh. Looking at these pics just makes me want to re-affirm my commitment to this journey. Wow! Some of these ARE NOT pretty, specifically the shots of me from the back.
I decided not to wear loose shorts and a big tee, because I would still be hiding/covering up. So all my rolls and ripples are exposed. . I am more determined than ever..anyway....here goes...
Okay, so I will post updates as follows:
I will post weight loss numbers on a weekly basis (same day every week)
I will post a progress picture (s) every month (the 10th of each month)
I will continue to blog/diarize frequently, some weeks may have more/less posts than others, however I will keep it current.
The "weight" is over...here goes nothing!!! (okay, I'm stalling here...)

December 10, 2008 - Day 1
Starting Weight: 258 lbs

The Final Countdown

Hi all,

In two days I will officially commence this journey. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I'm busy planning right now. I am making sure everything is in order so that come Wednesday, I'll be ready to just go!! "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I don't want that to happen.

This afternoon, I will be cleaning out my cupboards (I know what needs to go) and donate what i can to the food bank and the rest to the trash.

So I'm getting ready to take my before pics in hopes of posting them on Wednesday - Day 1. I decided to research tips to taking a good "before" pic. One of the links I found said that I should do the following:

{Take a photo of yourself in poor light, push your stomach out and slouch your shoulders, do not smile, wear baggy long shorts; make yourself look worse than u really looked}

I could not believe how the manipulation started right from the very beginning. That won't work for me. I don't want my pics to be some misrepresentation based on trick photography. I vow to you that my pictures will be true to form - no tricks. They will be actual photos.

• I will wear the same outfit for all picture updates (if, no..WHEN that outfit becomes to big, I will purchase something similar in a SMALLER size)


• My husband will be the one taking the pics. He is by no means a professional photographer but I'm sure we'll use the best lighting possible.


• I will not push out my stomach (it does that on its own)


• I will not slouch my shoulders


• I WILL SMILE (I always do and plus I know this is the last time I'll be that size)


• My pics will be an accurate representation of who I am!!

The "before" pics and measurements will be posted on Wednesday! Stay tuned.

I want to again thank everyone who's been visiting the blogs and the group on facebook. Thanks for the love.

J

This Journey is Meant to Be

I'm a big believer in "nothing happens before it's time" and I am now even more convinced that this is the right time for me to embark on this journey and that this journey is meant to be.

I mentioned before that my mom passed away quite few years back. This coming Wednesday (Dec 10) will mark the 16th anniversary of her passing. That day has always been a dark one for me and no matter how I tried, I always felt down and somewhat miserable right around this time and on the day itself. Today, I just realized that I'm not feeling so bad. The irony here is that I will be starting this journey on Wednesday December 10! I didn't even plan it, it just kind of happened that way!! This is meant to be.

I may have just found a way to create some happy memories on this day and replace the dark ones I've carried with me for so many years. Wow!

Some of you may think that I may be reading too much into this and a lot of you may just chalk it up to coincidence, but I have never believed in coincidences, I think everything happens for a reason and that we call actions and people into our lives based on intentions.

Anyway, I just thought I'd jot that down; it's so symbolic to me.

The Word is Out

Hello again,

Well, I've done it. I created a group on Facebook an sent an invitation to all of my listed friends and family explaining what I'm about to do. No turning back. This is the first time in my life that I've been so honest and open about my weight. Arrgggghh.

I felt a bit weird right before sending out the invite, kind of like I use to feel right before taking a final exam and to be honest, i sat on it for a bit...the doubts started creeping in. Did I really want to share this with everyone? Almost everyone I know will know how much I weigh and how weak I am when it comes to my struggles with food.

I feel somewhat vulnerable right now but also, excited and eager to get this started. I already feel like I have to do really well and that works for me, I like the pressure.

As I sit here typing, at 2:37 in the morning, I am enjoying a nice cold Heineken, which I know will be my last for at least the next 6 months or so. It's so good!!! One of the many things I'll miss.

Anyway, signing off until next time.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my posts.

J

Here We Go...

Hi again,

So, today I received a message from Rob (the trainer). My training program is ready and we need to schedule an appointment for our first training session. The session should last for about an hour sometime next week. He will also answer any questions I may have (I have a few). I just need to get back to him with my availability. I'm SCURRRED!! I have to keep telling myself that this is what I want and I just need to get through the first 21 days for this lifestyle for it to become a habit!!!

So that's it, once I meet with him, which at the latest will be next Saturday (earliest Wednesday), I officially start on this journey. It's now time for me to let everyone know what I will be up to and ask for the support I know I am going to need throughout this journey. As I mentioned in an earlier post, with me, it's all about being accountable.

I’ve been successful in losing weight before ( a few times actually) and each of those times has been because I was/felt accountable to somebody else for it. The more accountable I am, the more weight I seem to lose... hence the reason why I want to share this with as many of my friends and family members as possible. I'm trying to lose weight and just improve my overall health. I'm hoping my friends/family will comment on any and/or all of my posts and share their own weightloss stories and experiences. When needed(which I'm sure will be soon) a swift kick in the pants is always the best medicine for me (this last sentence may come back to haunt me).

Anyway, I've decided to start a group on Facebook as yet another means of putting just the right amount of pressure that I know I will need to succeed.

That's it for now. My next post will be to confirm my official start date (more than likely the same day of my training session) as well as include my weight and measurements and the dreaded first official "before" pic. I haven't decided as yet if I'll wear a big T-Shirt and shorts or if it will be "Biggest Loser" style with short spandex and a sports bra!! I said at the beginning "anything is possible if I work hard, STAY TRUE/HONEST and never give up". I may not be ready for such a strong and possibly harsh dose of honesty. We'll see...STAY TUNED!

J

Yes I Can!!

I found it fitting to add a picture of Mr. Barack Obama as I prepare to start on this weight loss journey, which I know at times will be a great struggle. I have so much respect for Obama; specifically the enormous journey on which he has chosen to embark and what he's already accomplished. His historical win was amazing and so significant. He is a great source of inspiration for me/to me, especially in demonstrating that "anything is possible".

I mentioned earlier that I plan to take as many steps necessary to ensure that I succeed on my weight loss journey and I know I will think of Obama often as a means of ensuring that I perservere through the difficult times.

On that remarkable night of Nov 4, 2008, when Wolf Blitzer of CNN announced Barack Obama as the next president of the United States of America, it moved me to tears. At that moment in time, I made a few decisions, one of which was to finally resolve this struggle I've had with my weight. That's it!! I need to "be all that I can be". Anything is possible, if you work hard, stay true and never give up the fight.

Anyway, that's just one of my sources of inspiration for this journey. I'm sure I'll mention the others throughout these blogs.

On another note, I can confirm that I will be working out at Goodlife Fitness. Mainly because it opens at 5:30 am which will work perfectly with my schedule. So I'm anticipating starting next week. I'm still awaiting my program.

J

Gyms and Things

Hi again,

Well, I've been scoping out gyms in the area and I decided to go with Goodlife. They have a lot of locations across Canada, so whether I'm in Ottawa or Calgary, I will have access and I get an amazing discount through work. I'm just waiting on the program which I should have by the end of this week. I've also decided to stop with the crazy eating. I know that I have been trying to get a taste of everything before I officially start this journey, but I realized that it will be much harder for me to stop if I continue down this road...so as of today, I've started the weaning process (NOT FUN!!).

I can't help but think whether or not I will be able to do this. Sometimes the doubts just creep in to my head. It's nuts!! I haven't even started yet and I'm doubting. It's just that I've seen so many people lose weight only to gain it back, plus more. Why can't I (and so many others) just be happy with how we are? Well for me, I just want to be healthy. I want to do all I can to ensure I live the best life and provide the best life for my family. Part of that requires me to be healthy.

My mother lost her life to ovarian cancer when she was only 37. It was the worst time of my life. She battled her weight all her adult life as well. I sometimes wonder, if things would have been different, had she been heatlhy. I loved my mom very much and miss her terribly (everyday). I want to do what I can to ensure that my son never feels this type of pain. Please don't get me wrong, I don't blame my mom in any way. I remember her trying so hard to lose the weight, on so many different occasions, using so many different methods and fad diets, only to be unsuccessful. So a huge part of me wants to succeed - not only for me, but for my mom as well. I know she's watching.

Anyway, I'm going to sign off for now - I feel the tears coming.

J