Thursday, December 10, 2009

Loss, Reflection, Growth and Peace

In Honor of my Beautiful Mother, Angeline (January 24 1955 - December 10, 1992)...


Today makes it 17 years since that cold December 10th day in 1992 when I lost her after a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer. She was only 37 years old. It rocked my world like nothing had ever done before and I hope will never do again. My mom was only 19 years old when she gave birth to me and we were very close. She was my mom, best friend and most trusted confidant.

For the past 16 years, December 10th has represented nothing but heartache and painful memories for me, darkness - although I always "tried" to focus on the good memories I shared with my mom in our short 18 years together, it was always extremely difficult. I usually locked myself away from life and just cried, well today, no more tears (well a few tears of joy).

Today, for the first time since her death seventeen years ago I can finally say that I am at peace. I am at peace with not having her physically present in my life. I am at peace. You see, she too was obese/overweight and battled it most of her adult life. I KNOW with every fiber in my being that she is proud of me and happy for me that I was finally able to kick obesity square in it's face - for good!! Today, I will focus on our good memories, I have given new meaning to this date and I know that so much of my success has to do with my mother and how she raised me, her values, her work ethic, her integrity!

This day will now represent two of my greatest losses but the more recent loss has allotted me the opportunity to truly reflect and reminisce without the darkness. It has allowed me to celebrate...celebrate my life and the life of one of the most amazing women that I was privileged to call mother!

Mommy, I will love you until I take my last breath, I continue to miss you every day that I wake and I will honor and celebrate you by living the best and most honest life that I can. I miss and love you so much. I hope that today you are resting a bit more peacefully knowing that I have triumphed over this and that I am finally at peace with your passing.

My love always,

Joania

10 comments:

cmoursler said...

That was beautiful joania.
Your mom is looking down on you with so much love and pride.
You carry her with you every day, every victory you attain is her victory too.

South Beach Steve said...

New meaning indeed. I know it has to hurt, but you have given yourself a new reason to be proud and remember her all at the same time.

Stefania said...

Thank you for sharing. It's good that this date will now have a different meaning.

Kimmy said...

Hugs...

Anonymous said...

My dear friend Joania...
As I read that post, I had tears in my eyes. I had the same relationship with my mom as you did with yours. You even got to share some of those times with me and my mom. Your mom will always be with you and will always be proud of you no matter who you are or what you do. She lives in you and in your beautiful son. You are both a part of her. I am very proud of you and am privledged to call you my friend.
You ROCK you fabulisious woman!
Loads of love to you on this bittersweet day.
Stace..xo

Randi said...

Wow that was beautiful & touching. Your mom is looking down upon you and is very proud!

Anonymous said...

**Nia**
Bon courage. May God give you the strengh to go on with this new peace in your heart.

Lauren said...

What a beautiful post! I love that you're reclaiming that day and reinterpreting its significance. I'm sure your mother is smiling down on you BEAMING with pride! She sounds like an amazing woman.

266 said...

Beautiful.

Marvo said...

I know she is super proud of you Joan Joan!