Day 18 of My 30 Day Countdown - OH MY SHOULDERS!!!!

OMG!!!!Have you every worked out so hard that your body was shaking uncontrollably??? Your arms felt like jello? And everything in your rational mind was screaming, "What the hell are you doing?" WELL, I did TODAY!! Holy mother of ALL crap!!! Sensei Derek is CRAZY!! But I love it - so maybe I'm the crazy one!! LOL!! He destroyed us (well me for sure and the majority of the class, even the more advanced ones - I heard them huffing and puffing, I saw them giving it their all) at Jiu-jitsu today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At the end of Sensei Derek's "warm-up", which btw, I have no clue of how long it was - assuming 20 mins or so!! No clue of the time - that's how hard we were being pushed today!! NUTS!!! We started off with a leg stretch which wasn't so bad until Sensei kept saying, "a little bit further, a little bit further!" every couple of minutes or so. We would then have to extend the stretch further and further each time. Then he had us cross our arms and we were NOT allowed to touch the mat as we pushed and held the stretch to our max - PAST OUR MAX!!!! I tried to find a picture and this is the closest I could find. In the pic below, instead of the hands being on the floor for support, our arms were crossed as we leaned forward -strength and balance- that made it just a weeeeee bit TOUGHER!!!!
Anyway, Sensei Derek started walking around the classroom as we were all DYING in pain, he kept pushing us. It's amazing how much harder you push yourself when you have someone pushing you - someone who knows what they're doing, that is! He walked around saying, "who will be the first to touch the mat, lets see who it will be?!?!!" as he grinned and smirked in pleasure!! I was shaking and sweating profusly...gritting my teeth as I struggled to hold the stretch (it's more commonly known as the "Jiu-jitsu smile"). I so desperately wanted to hold on but I couldn't!! Boom!! I was down!! Sensei Derek laughed and said, "oh, Joania's down, now we have to do something harder!!!" as if that wasn't hard enough!!! His comments were followed with moans and groans from the class!! He took pure pleasure in our pain!!

He had us elevate our arms. We were going to do the rest of our "work out" with our arms up and if we dared to drop our arms it would be push-ups and not just any push-ups......it would be DEREK PUSH-UPS!!! That's where each pushup is held for a 10 count, slow and painful!! I was determined (as was the rest of the students in the class) to keep our arms up even if it killed us!! Sensei bombarded us with a ray of exercises....wall to wall lunges, with our arms up; wall to wall squats, with our arms up; wall to wall lunge and kicks, with our arms up; 100 snap kicks with our arms up and finished with wall squats with our arms up!!! THE PAIN WAS INTENSE....I thought my shoulders would fall off!!! I looked like someone dumped a bucket of water on my head. It was F'ing AWESOME!!! None of us quit...we all got through the drills and Sensei was genuinely impressed. PAIN IS TEMPORARY, QUITTING IS FOREVER!!! My arms are KILLING me right now.

It was an amazing workout!! I'm telling you, I am really loving the workouts I'm getting at this place. it's phenomenal!! Therien Martial Arts, I WISH I STARTED YEARS AGO!! But I'm here now and it's NEVER too late!

Anyway, food was good today, I stuck to the plan. I ate exactly what I had yesterday. Sometimes it's easier instead of trying to plan my meals every day, I just double up when I prepare and I know I'm good for two days! :) I drank 3 litres of water today.

That's it for now...tomorrow is weight training day and kickboxing class!

Until next time..
Joania (2KMINE!!!)

Last Week's Weigh-In...oh oh!!

Starting Weight: 258 lbs (Dec 10/08)
Last Weigh In: 208 lbs (May 16/09)
Current Weight: 210 lbs

This Week's Loss: NO LOSS...+2 lb GAIN!!!!!!!!


Okay first off, I am not upset with this 2 pound gain. I just need to figure out why, not why I gained the weight - just why I always seem to "put it in cruise control" when I'm doing well!!

This is the first time during this journey that I've gained weight and I truly hope it will be the last. I would like to say that these two pounds is from all the muscle I'm building BUT I know that may not be it. Seeing my little "weight loss progress badge" on the right side of the blog, go from '50lbs lost' back to '48lbs lost', really hit me and hopefully was enough to get me back on track!! This gain is from me not being 90% or better (my own goal for myself) with regards to my food and exercise!! And really, that's the secret to success, at least where weight loss is concerned. Eating the right foods and getting the right amount of exercise!! I KNOW THIS!!! Doing it, is what's difficult!!

The Last 3 Days...

While I was in Edmonton, I worked out EVERYDAY and stuck hardcore to my exercise training plan. I was also very good with my eating plan with the exception of having some alcohol and 1 and a 1/2 slices of pizza (small slice). I don't want to make excuses...just want to be straight!!I don't know what's going on with me, but I did not work out on Friday (I travelled that day - but that's no excuse) Saturday (got lazy), or Today (even lazier)!!! Why am I doing this?? Saturday night, I had a peanut butter sandwich on white bread!!!! It was sooo good. I literally said F' it and proceeded to eat it!! Why do I do this??


I can think of nothing that happened to trigger this. Home life is fine, work life is fine (busy, but fine)! I really need to understand why this happens. This journey is not only about me getting healthy and losing the weight, it's also, and most importantly, about me breaking that vicious cycle that has me sabbotaging my progress and regaining whatever weight I had lost!! I am committed to this journey but it seems that I have to kick this up a notch, I feel like I'm slipping and I know that I shouldn't be, because I've been doing so well. Arrrghghhgh...frustrating!!


Being Fat is Sometimes Comforting...

This may seem strange to some, but bieng overweight/obese/fat (whatever you call it) is somewhat comforting. For me, it's easier and I'm willing to bet that quite a few people out there would agree with me on this one! Before embarking on this journey, I would wake up, eat whatever I wanted for breakfast (if I ate at all) and go about my day, stopping periodically to "snack" on whatever I wanted. At work, I could go to the cafeteria downstairs and ordered whatever I wanted for lunch, most of the times not even thinking about what I ordered (usually way too much food - poutine, coca cola, something cheesy and rich with that insta mix gravy).

I would walk through the mall, go straight to the food court and had my fill of unhealthy choices. I wrote before of my love of Cinnabuns! I could order out whenever I wanted to and whatever I wanted to at pretty much anytime of day or night. That was the worst of them all, because after ordering my food from the telephone or internet, I would plop down on the couch, in front of the television as I ate.

As for clothes, I would make an effort for work, but at home it was usually some oversized T's and a comfy (there's that word again) pair of track or jogging pants, that just stretched with me - so the more weight I gained, the more my pants stretched. This is one of the reasons I felt so amazing when I fit into those size 16 non-stretch jeans!!

I hated walking (still not my fav, but I do it more often now)! I rarely moved but to get to and from places like the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom etc. I barely said the word "exercise" much less DID any!!

My lifestyle now is wonderful, I love how great I feel after dong 30 pushups or after strength training for an hour. When I first jogged for 1 full minute on the treadmill without stopping, I felt like I just ran and finished a marathon - I was so proud. When I run up my flight of stairs at home and it doesn't phase me one bit, I feel awesome!! I'm running around with my son and HE'S getting tired before me...this is why I'm doing this. I love these feelings of pride, confidence (not that I wasn't confident before - just more so now) and energy!

When I travel on business and eat out at amazing restaurants for EVERY MEAL and stay on track, effortlessy making healthy choices, I feel such pride.

So why the hell am I not staying on track?? Why am I doing this??

Well, I'll tell you right now, as of 5am tomorrow morning, I WILL BE BACK ON TRACK!!!! I don't think I've done any kind of damage that can't be repaired!!! This is just a minor bump in the road and I WILL get through it! I love how strong and proud I feel when I'm on track! The positive energy that surrounds me is just amazing!!

So, that's it for now. I slipped up, messed up a bit, BUT WILL BE BACK ON TRACK and moving forward as of this moment.

Until next time...

Joania (2KMINE)