I'm Struggling and a bit Frustrated, Y'ALL....

First off, let me just say that I have been on point (100%) with my exercising/workouts. I love it. So that part of the journey is not a problem.

HOWEVER, when it comes to EATING and FOOD.....I'm struggling!!!!!!! I knew this journey would be a challenge and I think I've been handling this challenge very well since I've started. Here I sit, in what should be the home stretch, having lost more that half of my goal and I'm struggling with stinking food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew I would have a tough time with the food aspect of this journey, but I was really starting to believe that I had a good handle on it and that I was well on my way to permanently incorporating this new and healthy nutritional lifestyle into my everday routine. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself....I dunno, I just feel like I'm slipping and I want to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Don't get me wrong, I have not totally fallen off the wagon (not even half off the wagon) but I do realize that I am not nearly as diligent as I have been in the past 6-7 months. I've been slipping a "little something sweet" in with my meals every other day. Today for example, I had a piece of carrot cake...loaded with icing!! It was delicious - I didn't and DO NOT feel guilty about eating it, but maybe I should have just had half of what I ate. It was a pretty big slice. I had a glass of red wine the night before and just little nibbles and tastes here and there of things I KNOW that I SHOULD NOT BE EATING! Thankfully I haven't had a major pig-out session...YET!!!

This is what the whole sabbotaging of the progress is all about. I mentioned before that this journey will be as much mental as it is physical, if not more and I'm really started to see that. So this just reminds me that I need to make that extra effort to work out and strengthen those "mental muscles" and not just the physical ones. I have to figure out the reason why I feel the need to eat these foods, especially now. You know, I've heard and read a lot of different theories as it relates to this issue and I've never been able to find anything that "fits" my personal situation. I've just always believed that I JUST LOVE food. I know some people overeat when they're happy, some when they're sad, others when they're angry or frustrated or stressed or even depressed!! To me, I eat when I'm hungry and the problem is that I always seem to be hungry...my issue is just conditionning my brain to eat the right foods.

The nutritional plan that I am currently following (created by my trainer Rob ) allows me to eat a lot of food throughout the day. In fact, he stresses to me repeatedly, the importance of eating and not skipping meals, or starving myself with crazy dieting, if I want to be successful on this journey. It's just ensuring that I eat the right things -- whole foods--healthy foods. I feel that I've made that connection and I understand what I need to eat to be successful, however I am struggling with sticking with it and I just need to understand why!! This is so frustrating!! I'm in a weird, strange place right now when it comes to my eating. I find myself wanting to rationalize to myself why it would be okay to have that Big Mac Combo with a Supersized Chocolate Shake....I find myself saying things like, "I deserve this, I've been working so hard!!" I have been working hard and that's more reason why I shouldn't go there...I dunno....just a bit frustrated and just really need to figure things out!!

I knew this journey was not going to be filled with ONLY nice smoothly paved roads along the way, I was fully aware that I'd eventually get to the roads that are still under construction or just full of pot holes. I just need to ensure that my vehicle is strong enough and doesn't fall apart going over those bumps and potholes!!! I have had a baby, after 16 hours of natural labour - that was tough!!! I am starting to believe that this journey may indeed be a more difficult task!!

Anyway, I had to get all that off my chest. Thanks for listening. I'm fighting hard to handle this. As always, thanks for your support! Weigh-in on Saturday morning.

Until next time...
Joania (2KMINE!!!)